Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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