I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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