dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
