hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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