I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just want to make out with him forever
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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