Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
