hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
