worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
