and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
