I want to stick my p in your. b.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
