Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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