i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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