I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
