this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
