dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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