apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
