some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
