Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
