As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
