I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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