Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
