The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
