My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
