if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
