just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
