so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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