sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
