Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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