Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Life is so much better after having sex.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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