did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
