he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
