but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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