The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
