when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My life is pants optional.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
