No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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