Joe is yelling at the trees again.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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