the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
