Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
