I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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