Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
