Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
