I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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