it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
