i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
