There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
