I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
