Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
