Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
