Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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