So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
