It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
