what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
