Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
