But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
