Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
