One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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