I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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