please come you make the beer taste better
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
