i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
