Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
